Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

About a week ago I crashed. I crashed hard, as if I fell thirty feet into an empty pool. This was just a precursor, the set up before the main act. In the depths of my fall, my wife, the most amazing intuitive healer I know, simply asked, "What do you need?" Without hesitation or thought applied I responded that I needed a shaman. She handed me a cigarette of tobacco and said, "This is shaman tobacco and it will heal you, because I say so." I smoked my first tobacco in many years and felt nauseous, sick, my head was spinning so hard I had to lie down. What happened next will change my life forever.

  

I awoke from a nap and I knew what had to happen. Into the bath I placed salt, damiana, and passion flower, everything seems to work better in threes. As I soaked in the bath I heard the words, "Audiam Vocem", speak out loud, give voice. This has been a recurring piece for me, but I had never really awakened to the power that resonates from the spoken word. Now I was talking to myself and all others who were in attendance, there were definitely spirits there, mostly ancestral, and then I broke down.

A wise man once told me that one must breakdown before they can breakthrough. On this morning I learned the full import of his words, I broke. I began talking to my Grandmother and I cried in a way that I have not cried in many years. I sobbed from the bottom of my soul for my loss, my shame, and my love. She is physically gone, never to return, no more hugs, her smell gone, LOSS. I did not visit her enough as an adult, and I cannot reverse that, SHAME. She will always be with me dispensing wisdom and guiding me, LOVE. Then my head cracked wide open.

I found myself in a quiet wisdom the likes of which I have never known. At that moment I knew the stomach issues have that plagued me since I found out she was departing, disappeared. I had been holding in so much it was making me sick. A bit of tobacco given to me with love and intention, shook me into Giving Voice to my inner turmoil and facilitated healing. Healed by Poison because of intention transforming it into Soul Medicine, the essence of the Poison Path, and all shamanic traditions worldwide.

Psychedelics and I have a long history, mostly as a vision questing tool, but this was shamanic healing, something I personally have never experienced. Strange because I have helped many others over the years, now I was being healed by an act of kindness, a medicine plant with intention and the power of speaking out. The closest experience I have to explain how profound this has all been is remembering how profoundly my first psychedelic experience was. That morning after when one knows that they will never look at the world the same way ever again. Like that but with a calm warm loving knowledge of how blessed I am to be here now.

Over the next few days so many wonderful things have been revealed to me, my path opens. I have much to say about the Plants and their medicine, but first I must plant my seeds. I have much to say about Santisima Muerte and San Cipriano, but first I must plant my seeds. There is a Magical Garden that will become my life's work, but first I must plant my seeds. I have begun a major recalibration of my energy and direction, soul sustenance that is manifesting all because of seeds that I have already planted.

New Medicine

I have owl medicine. That is to say, owl and I work together. She has taught me much over the years and I don't know where my work would be without her. Owl Woman is one of my patrons, she is an entry point for many different pathways. Now Owl tells me there is another and I must learn her medicine.

Mama Bear has come to me in dreams over and over again. I want to accept her medicine, but I do not know how. I cannot  go and see Bear in the wild like I did Owl. The last bears in this part of

Texas were killed off in the 1950's. our state had no regulations until 1973, and did not prohibit bear hunting until 1983. There is a glimmer of hope, bears have been spotted in the hill country west of where I live and along the Rio Grande corridor. As of yet these have been isolated incidences of young males wandering during drought, looking for new food opportunities. Still I have hope.

Apex predators are a sign of a healthy and thriving ecosystem, for most of North America historically this was the Black Bear. Bear can thrive in most biomes from mountain to forest to seashore to swamp and even desert. Versatility is always good medicine. There is much for me to learn from Bear, but I still do not know how to proceed.


So I will call upon bear and do ritual to honor her spirit. It is Mama Bear who must return, until cubs are born here there is no established population. I will fight for the right of Bear and will work with groups dedicated to her survival. Meanwhile I will use my medicine to call her back, so that she can teach me her medicine. This is how it always is with spiritual allies, we must develop relationships. 
 
Oracion de Espiritu Osos:
Mama Osa llamo a usted con amor en mi corazon y confianza en mi alma. Puedo estar al servicio de  uste dy su tipo. Duchame con las benidiciones de su medicamento. Honro tu espiritu, y doy gracias por tu existencia.Llego los Personas Osos.Benidiciones y Alabanza a ti.

Reverential Relationships and Adorations

Not Worship and Obedience

 Alliances of Mutual Aid

When I work with Plant Spirits, or befriend Animal People, or receive medicine from the Earth, there is always a reciprocal action required. Many have assumed this to be a pay for hire type of arrangement, but that's not really how it works. There are definitely spirits that work that way, and for expediency they may suffice, but just like a convenience store, you will pay more for what you actually get. Long term commitments, here as in romance, are generally the preferred and strongest path to take.  What a spirit needs will vary from individual to individual, although some of the more well known spirit spectrums, have some general items that work as introductory gifts.

Gifting is exactly what is happening here. Sometimes in the process of working together one party or the other realizes that the other is in need. When this situation arises, both parties work together to assure healing and growth, together they gain. Sometimes the need is stated upfront and to the mind of some this seems like a demand for payment, or worse an imposition. But if one only takes the time to consider the great imposition our species has placed upon the entire biosphere, a little hastiness on the part of those we have collectively driven to the brink is to be forgiven. Again one must remember perspective and adjust reality tunnels as much as possible. It is just as important to receive a gift with grace as it is to give with grace. If a spirit offers a gift accept it. When the time comes the spirit will let you know what kind of gift it requires. More often than not you will not need to ask, you will know when a gift of water is enough, and when other actions are required. If there are items and actions you are opposed to let the spirit know up front, it may test you, but do not let it test you more than once, if it tests you again, break off ties with that spirit.

Adoraciones

Adoration is not worship. Worship is not some thing I understand entirely. When I hear someone talk of worshiping gods, my animistic brain can not fathom it. Gods are forces of nature much like lightening, and just as I would not worship lightening or electricity, nor will I worship a god. I will give reverence, that is to say I will honor its spirit, just as I respect rattlesnake by heeding his warning. 

Adoration is a form of reverence, in the same way that having a celebration dinner for a colleague honors their achievements, so too does an oferenda to a spirit ally or feast in honor of a saint.Compliments paid to a friend on their birthday are similar to the spirit of adorations in honor of one's spirit allies and venerated ancestors. Every relationship should be about honor and mutual respect or it will dissolve. 

Webs of Meaning

Eventually everything links and you discover the respect you show is returned and you become part of a current much larger than you had ever imagined. Universe is alive and communicating on many different levels, but one must slow down to listen. The cactus wants to teach you something. The

hummingbird wants you to learn how to drink the nectar of life. Rattlesnake brings everything into sharp focus. Spirit dwells everywhere not just in some hoary heaven on high. The ordinary is extra-ordinary, the natural, super-natural.

Once you awaken you cannot go back to sleep, but you can slip into darkness. Walk with fierce love in your heart, beauty in your eyes, and loyalty to Earth in your bones. Remember to look up at night into the depths of space, the Great Mother, and feel awe. Discover the Hidden Wilderness in your soul and feed it daily. Give over to calling. Come dance in the wilderness.

Final Earthworks and the Opening of the Aethyr Gates

My elemental workings have come to an end. My elemental workings have just begun. As I finished my concentrated study of each of the elements, I did an Aethyr Working to bring it all together. This final act turned out to be the beginning of something new and wonderful, my Aethyr working opened a gate that will inform my work for many years to come. Twice before I arrived at a place in my work where I felt total cohesion between my vocation and my avocation. A place where my cosmology manifested itself around me daily, the Subgenii refer to this as the luck plane tilting in one's favor.I can believe that about the previous events but this is different, more like fortune. Previously I lost my vision and my voice due to turbulent episodes, both involving divorce and a loss of all my earthly possessions. One of the main differences this time is that I started with nothing and due to my partner, the most beautiful Goddess I know, I have learned to protect what is important and retain those parts of life that hold real value, this is the secret of wealth. I love her more than any other and there are many wrongs I must make right with her, but she is quite simply the most amazing person I have ever met, and have the utmost faith in her.

Revelations

Lucky man that I am, I am currently suffering from what the doctors believe may be a faulty gall bladder, whatever is wrong with me, I have been ill quite a bit this year. This illness however has kept me closer to the Other Side and this has improved the nature of my work greatly. When the gates opened, I had a vision of all that is to be. Humbled, I wrote down as much as I could, and drew what I saw. The first revelation was of my paten, this served as the door to the Aethyric Temple. I have included it here with a bit of artistic flair for dramatic effect.

The next revelation involved an explanation as to why the elementals manifested to me as totems and the importance of these relationships. They will serve as spirit guides much like familiars, but with more specific purposes and less personal interaction, as if they were zeitgeists or family spirits. I also met my allies old and new; amongst whom the following did appear; Lady of the Night, Wild One, Dirt Mama, Sky Daddy, Bird Lady, Bunny Man, Lord Stag and Lady Herb.

Soon I will fully open my Spirit Temple; the Grotto of Free Form Open Source Dirt Sorcery or a reasonable facsimile thereof; names aren't really important anymore, only results.

Corporate Cannibals, Tantric Pirates, and Shamanic Clowns

So it comes to pass that I shall lie fallow for a season, from Lammas to Samhain I shall not engage in large rites other lunar and solar cycle associated events. Some time after that I will begin working with planetary energies, and true to form I will be making up much of it as I go along. I have studied enough books in the last 30 years of my life that I can create a cut up ritual in my head and so I do. This is the essence of Free Form Open Sorcery. There is a caveat however, this is my path, go get your own. I do share tips and tricks in my Open Source lessons, but I am only trying to guide you towards doing it yourself, thus the non-specificity.

My path must always remain open ended, that is why I never give it all away. Once I develop a codified system that does anything other than brainwash you into thinking for yourself, then I have failed. I will not become the foodstuff of Corporate Cannibals. I would rather you become your own vision whether it's a Tantric Pirate, Shamanic Clown, or a Professor of Transcendentalism. The point is it is your path, and much like the Bardo or a video game, there are achievement levels that must be unlocked before proceeding to next part of your adventure. Almost always you will find that the key involves resolving personal issues, this is earthwork. There is no progress to Aethyric until the elemental issues are worked on.

Organic Psychedelic Animism

I have work to do, new tools and devices. There are new souls to meet, art rituals to construct, books to write. More important than all of that, I must maintain my relationships. Both my relationships with the living and with those souls on the Other Side. I trust my familiar to make the proper introductions when the time comes, and I make sure to bestow gifts upon my familiar when the time is right. I mentioned this mutual reciprocity before in a previous post. This a theme that will keep popping up over and over for me, as my partner has helped me realize I can be quite neglectful at times. This neglect only serves to harm me in the long run, as I damage mutually beneficial ties I isolate myself. This is part of one of the kleshas I must untie regularly, if not daily.

The Earth sings to me, the Waters rock me to sleep, the Fire keeps me warm and alive, the Air gives me dreams, but the Aethyr stirs my soul. So by the Powers Above and Below, I have gained gifts that I am both humbled and honored to receive, I resolve myself to Bhakti practice as sign and token of my appreciation and devotion. So Mote It Be.

Shub-Niggurath Muladhara Aghori Trance

Fuego Sagagrado, Humo Sagrado

Reflections, mental meanderings, and randomness as I approach the end of my Earth Workings. Everything ends, everything breaks down, everything is born again, and everything is reabsorbed. Unification and Equalization through Amalgamation and Transmutation.

Yog-Sothoth connaît la porte.

Yog-Sothoth est la porte.

Yog-Sothoth est la clé et le gardien de la porte.

Passé, présent, futur, tous sont un en Yog-Sothoth.

Il sait où les Anciens ont traversé la vieille,

et où ils doivent franchir à nouveau.

Il sait où Ils ont foulé les champs de la terre,

et où elles fouleront encore eux,

et pourquoi personne ne peut les voir comme ils marchent.

 Ritual as Sigil

1. Write Ritual
2. Use online Translator
3. Pick Language
4. Translate
5. Memorize in New Tongue
6. Perform Ritual

Tsathoggua wurde von einer Vielzahl von Völkern verehrt. 

Die Schlange nahm den Mann Götzen Tsathoggua von N'kai. 

Viele andere Kulte haben die Kröte Gott als Symbol angenommen. 

Viele dieser Kulte nicht von Tsathoggua wahren Namen kennen und die Kröte Symbol 

geworden ist eindeutig als Symbol des Bösen.

The Cost of Consumption

So keeping in line with my earth workings is a renewed interest in protecting Mama Dirt. Part of this is trying to waste less,  but let's be honest, rituals are wasteful and expensive at times. What to do? Well I dug into my post-punk DIY days and decided to revisit some of my Obtanium Sources. Finding bargains on ritual supplies happen in many ways, the easiest being look for the cheap stuff. The problem with cheap things, candles for example, is that you must be careful about why they are cheap. did they come from countries with questionable labor practices? What are they made of? Are they at Wal-Mart? I buy Kosher Hannukah candles half price around the end of December. Blessed by a Rabbi and they come in many colors? Yes, please.

Other ideas include foraging in woods and alleyways, estate sales, and church thrift stores. Reuse second hand items and give them new life. The spirit of it will be thankful. This leads to a more delicate sort of cheap ritual supply, bones of road kill.

Several things to consider when collecting road kill;

1. Wear protective gear. You do not want an infection from improper handling.
2. Make sure its legal and act accordingly.
3. Thank the soul and help let go of the pain and cross over.
4. Only take what you need and bury the rest.
5. When you no longer need it, bury it. From the earth to the earth.

Quod ex ritu chorus, accurato inter nudum 

et sacerdos sacerdotum, qui eum sequitur, 

lupus etiam solida flagellat autem sacerdos. 

Rituali pinnaculum flaminica verberibus ad 

mortem lapis movetur movet infantem sacerdos 

super eam. Bufo et Deus videtur, in summa, 

et altare holocausti, ut et virgo est datum est ..

 Pacts are Relationships

As we discuss cheap ways to acquire ritual supplies, i would like to take some time to discuss gifts for familiars. I am one of those who makes pacts with spirits, familiars if you will. These pacts are more like romantic relationships in that they rely on mutual support to prosper. Most of the time small trinkets and knick knacks will suffice for tokens of appreciation, but for proper feeding and significant aid in workings, you can not skimp on quality.

Some spirits (most of the ones I work with) have very specific needs and will not respond well to improper energy transferals. My familiars are all wild spirits and prefer gifts from the wild, but on special occasions like our anniversaries or big workings I must make an effort to find something special.

Every spirit has different requests and idiosyncrasies so one needs to pay special attention to what is being asked for. Do not neglect your familiars, they will aid your work in ways that nothing else can. Added benefit of developing deep meaningful relationships with non corporeal spirits is that you will begin to develop better relationships with all spirits. That does not matter if they are Human, Flora, Fauna , or Mineral. Trees are great friends as are birds and stones.

Cefais fy hun a wynebir gan enwau a thermau fy mod wedi clywed mewn mannau eraill yn y ffordd fwyaf erchyll cysylltiadau – Yuggoth, Cthulhu, Tsathoggua, Yog-Sothoth, R'lyeh, Nyarlathotep, Azathoth, Hastur, Yian, Leng, Llyn Hali, Bethmoora, Arwyddion Melyn, L'mur-Kathulos, Bran, a'r Magnum Innominandum - a daeth yn ôl drwy oesoedd yn ddienw a dimensiynau annirnadwy i fydoedd o hynaf, endid allanol lle mae'r awdur wallgof y Necronomicon ond wedi dyfalu yn y annelwig ffordd .... Mae cyfan gwlt gyfrinach o ddynion drwg (bydd dyn yn eich ddysg cyfriniol fy neall pan yr wyf yn eu cysylltu â Hastur a'r Arwyddion Melyn) neilltuo ar gyfer y diben o olrhain i lawr ac yn eu anafu ar ran y pwerau monstrous o dimensiynau eraill.

 Random Misfirings

 Moths are awesome. Mothra is a goddess. Armadillos look cool with wings. So do moose. Lemon pin spells work extremely well. Your soul is and always will be your best lover. Cosmos is indifferent to your existence and this frees you to do what you will. Everything returns to the earth, everything.