Monday, September 9, 2013

Obsessions and Shadows

When I began my elemental workings, I started by making Hekate one of my patron deities. My reason for doing this has much to do with the direction my path is currently on versus where I have been in the past. For most of my years I have  considered myself a witch but stuck primarily to Wicca and Neo-Pagan pathways. On my birthday this year, my 45th, I made the decision to follow a more traditional path and thus the relationship with Hekate began. Mostly this was due to the fact she is a goddess of witchcraft and crossroads so it seemed a natural fit. Hekate, is also the goddess of the Underworld and shadows, thus we come to this reason behind this post. In order to move forward in my work I must be open about so of my less desirable tendencies. Admission is the first step to healing. Without further ado, welcome to my nightmare.
I have problems accepting praise. I hear all the criticism but ignore the attendant praise. This has a tendency to make Eeyore look jovial in comparison to myself. I know we are our own worst critics , but trust me when I say  I am the master of self sabotage. Two failed marriages being the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
I am an overgrown man-child with mommy issues. There are so many improper imprints and complexes that I cannot go into them all nor do I want to in this form. There is reason I bring it up, and it is  important that I confess this ugliness, because I must heal from it.I have a horrendous habit of being cruel and abusive to women, especially the ones closest to me. I am currently doing some deep shadow work to overcome my darker impulses and their manifestations. There are two tools I find most helpful, Somatic Experiencing, and Parenthood. Somatic Experiencing, or SE, is a form of bodywork that is particularly useful for healing from trauma. I won't go into my reasons for doing this but I will say that for me it works.

I confess this now because I can no further in my work without learning not to be bastard. The first step was therapy, the second was this confession, the third is changing my relationships. Some very wonderful people have helped me along the way and I look forward to their continued support. Hekate has made me aware of my deficiencies in my relationship to the divine feminine and it all begins with my relationship to femininity. Both outside of and inside of me, yes when I treat femininity in all its forms poorly, I diminish myself because I am also treating my inner feminine poorly. Respect for the other is respect for the self. I can not stress that enough, in fact it bears repeating, respect for the other is  respect for the self. Let it sink in, everyone of us needs to remember this and be reminded until WE all get it. I'll work on mine you work on yours.
One shadow to chase away, money. I must change my relationship with money. I say I hate it too much and it stays away. I don't want more than I need, but I deserve to be comfortable. Life is hard and everyone I know is struggling. I believe if we all start talking about the distribution of wealth in the world we will all benefit. Which is the most revolutionary Magick I can Imagine happening.
 This leads to a topic I read about this week in a blog post titled, "Can Witchcraft Be Revolutionary?", you can read it here. My revolutionary magick would be full disclosure of all the finances in the world, personal, private,corporate, governmental, churches,and bank holdings. Everyone exposed, maybe we could find out some things, for instance, how much money exists in the world? Why is it distributed so unevenly? What is it backed by? How relevant is it? Why are there laws designed to protect the hoarders of wealth?
It is my will and desire to see the world begin to be more honest about resource allocation and distribution. It is wish that I have persuaded others by my example feeble as it may be, to take the chance and share your shadows. Hekate Sotiera goddess savior, liminal Anatolian triple- goddess, continue to show me the benefit of strength through vulnerability, joy from wisdom, and beauty everywhere.
So Shadows and Obsessions has been a bit heavy on the shadow and not so the Obsessions, well that is about to change. My actual obsessions are probably to numerous to discuss here, but then again I am sometimes dramatic. Double edged sword that it is. My obsessions in order, Art, Tiki Culture, Comics,and Clothes.
I enjoy all art, but mostly Lowbrow Art; Hot Rods, Carnival Art, Tiki Art, Pigors, Roth, and anything that Burns. I also enjoy spiritual art, by Masters like Grey, Johfra, and Susan Seddon-Boulet, you'll thank for that last one. When it comes to Tiki Art I am completely bowled over by Heather Watts, and Shag.
My obsession with Tiki carries over into a love of rum based cocktails, Tiki Mugs, and Tiki Bars. I even own a few Mugs and have collected my own in the wild at a Tiki Bar in Las Vegas. Enough about that, I have considered starting a Tiki blog.
Comics, well I should probably just talk about that in another post. I will mention a few favorites, Silver Surfer, HATE!, and of course Weirdo, by Crumb. Too many more to mention will discuss in future, possibly also a blog of its own.
My biggest shame, clothes. I love shoes, I love costumes, I love clothes. This is my inner gay man, we all have one, mine loves clothes. I am addicted to buying shoes, tshirts, suit jackets, sweaters, and sorts of costume accessories. I call them that because there is no other name for an antlered helm,  face paint, skirts, tutus, masks, and every kind of hat from Sombrero to Fez. Shoes, you can never have enough, I want this whole collection. My problem is that all of my obsessions is that are based on consumptive practices and lack substantive self narrative.
Just as I work to free myself of self sabotage and abusive behaviors, so too I turn from my obsessions. I find value in teaching my son how to build things, encouraging my daughter to sing her own song, and teaching them both that experience is more important than possessions.We play chess together and music, my son encourages me to make my own Art, and my daughter shows me how to make costumes from paper bags, and feathers. I am learning a new language, and soon will make my own shoes.
Contemplation of and interaction with Hekate has lead me examine my shadows and obsessions more closely. This careful study has shown me a path to self transformation through confrontation of my darker tendencies. There is definitely more to come, but I welcome the challenge.

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